“Hello, It’s Me…” — A visit from my depressed and tired part
"And in the spring I shed my skin, and it blows away with the changing winds."
The flowers are blooming and beauty is everywhere you look. Something has been transforming inside of me over these past few months. I have been shedding some old patterns, the ones I said see ya never to.
This is the fascinating thing about this life: it is non-linear. It is more like a super-dooper-looper roller coaster ride, full of peaks and valleys, twist and turns and drops that come out of nowhere.
This is a pattern I thought I’d kicked to the curb but surprise!!! It came sneaking back in, slowly but surely.
Hindsight: It needed to make its debut again as there was still something that needed to be worked through. COMMMEEE ONNNNN!
“Hello, it's me”
— Your depressed and very tired part
There it was again— a very old pattern/part from way back. It tends to show up when I am not feeling fulfilled, or when things feel like they aren’t going in the direction I want them to (Control much? lol). It also says hello when life feels hard and heavy, when I overbook myself or try to do too much. Anyone else relate to this pattern? I would love to hear how it shows up for you.
From January to March it slowly crept back in. It was also extra confusing because things in my life were feeling magical: my work taking on different shapes, the partnership I’d dreamed of arrived, and my friends/family loving me up.
And yet… my mind started telling me how tired I was. I found myself numbing out with scrolling and avoiding. Then came longer naps and harder wake ups. By March, it wasn’t just a once a week thing. It started turning into a few times a week. I thought: Come on SIS, I am past this. This shouldn’t be happening. It also reminded me of some of the darkest and hopeless times in my life. Then came the moment of truth: I had to be really honest with myself. Here I am- someone who is deeply committed to supporting my clients listening to their beautiful and wise hearts. And yet.. IN THIS SCENARIO I was completely disregarding my own heart, and letting my mind run the entire show. This is where the magic happened.
“PARK THE MIND and LISTEN TO YOUR HEART”
From that place I was able to acknowledge my discomfort, embrace all my feels, and let my heart take the lead.
My mind is such a powerhouse. Trying to convince me that this was the only way to keep myself safe. But when I asked the mind to take a seat, and listen to my heart:
I didn’t need more control or certainty.
What I really needed was love and trust.
And the courage to revisit my old companion.
And let love take the lead.